I remember a young mother I worked with – call her “Sarah”.
She told me that every Saturday morning, she awoke with the same familiar aching in her body and heart: the home was silent, the baby had finally fallen asleep, but her husband was still sleeping.
He’d remained up playing games, and now she had a full morning of caring, cleaning, and feeding—with no rest. She said, “I feel like I’m drowning…” Nobody sees the flood pushing me down.”
What you’ve described is so much like Sarah’s story.
You’re a 33-year-old mother, breastfeeding a nearly 12-month-old, handling 100% of the night wakings and the early mornings (6-7 am) while your husband works from home and then stays up until 1:30 am, 2 am—even 3–4 am on weekends gaming.
He says he’s fine. You’re burnt out, and you worry about leaving your daughter with him when he’s so sleep-deprived.
You’ve asked him to take a morning shift on a weekend and it hasn’t happened. You feel un-seen and un-supported.
Let’s put this into perspective:
- When someone takes on extensive caregiving and household responsibilities, the risk of caregiver burnout is very real — emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion set in.
- Research shows that in relationships where the load becomes heavily one-sided, resentment, loss of emotional intimacy and weakened communication often follow.
- While much of the caregiver-burnout literature is about spouses caring for ill partners, the underlying dynamics apply: when one partner is doing the heavy lifting (here: night wakings, early mornings, full primary caregiver role) and the other is disengaged or prioritizing leisure (late-night gaming), the imbalance threatens the foundation of partnership.
What’s going wrong here
You need your partner to be a safe, present, and engaged parent, not just a “warm body” who wakes up and supervises. That is not the role you signed up for.
Here are the Main Issues I See:
- Sleep deprivation and imbalance – you are continually deprived of sleep, while he appears to prioritize his needs (gaming, staying awake) over your rest and recovery.
- Priorities are out of sync – you’ve asked for his assistance, you’ve asked for equity, and you’re not getting it; he downplays the issue (“just wake me up”) and does not empathize.
- Trust and safety concerns – you’re hesitant to leave your daughter with him unaccompanied since you’ve observed concerning behavior (e.g., he put her in the playpen, closed his eyes, she watched YouTube on his phone).
- You’re on the verge of caregiver burnout, with feelings of bitterness and increasing emotional risk. You feel hopeless, invisible, and fatigued, which jeopardizes not just your well-being but also the relationship.
How We Can Address this Together
As a relationship specialist, I recommend a step-by-step method, built specifically for you as the mother and primary caregiver sister in this case.
Step 1: Clarify and identify the issue with him.
Prepare a calm, neutral time to discuss, preferably not during a disagreement. Use “I” statements: “I’m fatigued from the nights and mornings; I need a reliable partner. When you stay up till 3 a.m. and then sleep in after 9 a.m., I feel abandoned.”
Invite him to see your reality; you might even share what you’ve written here (you indicated intending to show it). That allows him to’see’ the story from your perspective.
Step 2: Frame the question in terms he can answer to.
Like this: “I need you to take one full morning (say Sat) from 6-10 am so I can sleep.” Make it concrete and specific. Instead of a blanket “help more”, give him a choice or share a schedule.
Also emphasize: “Delaying your sleep and then sleeping past when you should work impairs your functioning as a parent and partner. I’m concerned about our daughter’s safety and my ability to slumber.
Step 4: Maintain your boundaries and practice self-care.
You are bearing a huge load. Respite and self-care are not optional. Burnout will not wait for a convenient time.
According to study, disregarding your own health, sleep, and emotional requirements leads to more serious difficulties.
So:
- Set a non-negotiable recovery time for yourself (such as Saturday morning).
- Ask for assistance from outside sources (family, friends, babysitter) if necessary so that you can relax without relying only on him.
- To maintain your resilience, choose one self-care action per day, even if it only takes 10 minutes.
Step 5: Monitor progress and adapt.
Set a short review after 2-3 weeks, and ask: “Is the Saturday morning shift happening? Are you going to bed at a suitable time to accommodate that shift?
“Do I feel more supported?”
If not, consider seeking expert help, such as couples therapy or parental relationship coaching. The idea is to shift it before it becomes too enormous.
Why this matters for you, especially as a female partner feeling unheard
You’re not only exhausted; you’re carrying emotional baggage, role overload, and fear—not only for yourself but also for your daughter. When your partner minimizes your experience, it exacerbates emotional separation.
You lose peace of mind and trust when his lack of sleep jeopardizes his capacity to be a responsible parent.
In essence, you should feel supported, appreciated, and safe. His games, late nights, and disdain of your tiredness send a message (intentionally or not) that your needs are less important.
That mismatch undermines intimacy, connection, and mutual respect.
The Devotion System can help you re-build a dynamic where you feel empowered to express your needs, and he steps into his role as engaged partner and father – not just post-fact waking body.
It helps you craft a strategy of communication, boundaries and partnership.
In Closing
You aren’t asking too much. You’re looking for fairness, collaboration, recognition, and time to restore your own energies. You are more than just his wife or primary caregiver; you are a human being in need of rest, respect, and a dependable companion.
He may minimize, but you can make him understand that this is not about “waking him up when tired”—it is about both of you operating as equals in this family unit.
I recommend that you start the talk this week, establish a definite Saturday morning shift, and encourage him to commit to getting to bed at a fair hour so that the shift is achievable.
And I also suggest you protect your own rest regardless of his actions. Because your wellbeing matters.
Do you feel ready to have that conversation – and if so, when will you schedule it?
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